And They Wonder Why I'm Crazy
by TylonCorp
Summary: Part two up!
1. The Assignment

And They Wonder Why I 

And They Wonder Why I'm Crazy

An Osmosis Jones Fan Fiction, By Alica Tylon

Disclaimer: I do not own Tom Colonic, Thrax, osmosis etc etc. they belong to Warner brothers. I also do not own Ecta Plasm. She belongs to my fantablulous friend Airelle Vilka and is used with permission. Schitza is mine. MINE I SAY! MIIIIINE! Post movie btw

Dedication (in no particular order): hmm, Laurence Fishburne (I know I know its spelt wrong.) for giving Thrax a dead sexy voice, Vilka for getting me hooked and being such a good sport about letting my char get involved with Thrax. Christi for supporting me in this, E.C.M. for writing the first ff.net osmosis fics so I know where they go, and cross for being…. Um…. Err…herself. And not hurting thrax..

Part 1: The Assignment

A phone rang shrilly in the darkened office. There was a mutter, a groan, and a *clunk* as a figure ambled towards the desk in the darkness. A monochromatic hand reached out and grabbed the receiver.

"Subconscious, Ms. Phrenia speaking" the figure said in obvious annoyance.

"Hello, Ms. Phrenia. This is Mayor Colonic." the other end of the line spoke/ Ms. Phrenia muttered something and then adopted a more pleasant tone.

"Oh, Hello Mr. Colonic! How are you today?" She chirped.

"I'm fine, Ms. Phrenia. But that's not why I called. I need you to retrieve something for Me." the voice on the end coolly replied.

"But don't you have your assistant for this kind of job?" the woman queried.

"First of all, she's ill. Second, I wouldn't trust her with this. I need you to go to the lymph nodes and acquire item #20818123. I want to examine it"

This was typical behavior for the mayor - he had a habit of analyzing items of cultural and historical significance to Frank. Publicly, he stated that these examinations were preformed so that he could get a better idea of how to run frank. Schitza simply thought it was an excuse to look at some very interesting artifacts.

"Ok, fine. It'll be there ASAP" she stated with a tone of mock enthusiasm.

"Great! And if you get it here quick enough, maybe you'll get that raise. The papers are waiting at the front desk. Get going." The caller then hung up after this rather curt reply. Schitza growled in annoyance. She knew she was not getting a raise any time soon. This was because she was a carryover from the Phlemming Administration. The only reason she was not fired was her job. She was Head of the Subconscious Department. And no one ever comes within 10 feet of the Subconscious Department door. Thus, allowing Schitza to keep the job was fine. It prevented someone else from suffering its utter horror.

The job itself was easy. All she had to do was make sure all the projectors were in working shape, the screens intact, and occasionally create a new dream. Quite easy, in actuality. Only once did she have to replace a screen, a few months ago. It had melted. At the time, Schitza had simply marked it up to the extremely high temperatures for that day. She then got up and started to prepare for the trip.

It should be noted at this time that Schitza was not really a normal cell, like Colonic and the others. In fact, she was a disease. Somewhat similar to a virus in nature, she was built like one. She was tall, slender and had a thick coating as opposed to a membrane. This coating was gray in coloration - the exact shade of gray all brain-cells were, to be precise. Her shiny but rather stiff hair was raven black. It was typically up for work purposes, but once she was off the clock she let it down. And even that was rare. 

However, Schitza wasn't exactly keen on being as a virus by the public, so she had the ability to change forms and resemble a normal brain-cell. The grey coating became soft and transparent, like a cell's membrane. Her facial features softened, and her eyes went from bright maroon, to a dull black. The disorder also lost a few inches to her height, but it didn't matter. She then set the projectors on autopilot, pulled on her lab coat, and left the Subconscious Department. 

Ms. Phrenia walked quickly down one of the many hallways of the brain. Eventually, she took the elevator down and approached the front desk, smirking slightly as other cells backed and ran out of her way. They had heard things, rumors that she was a virus, or that she was utterly insane, or other such nonsense. Schitza Phrenia looked at the receptionist quickly.

"Here you are, Ms. Phrenia. Have a nice day!" said the rose colored receptionist in an extremely cheery manner. Schitza felt utterly ill. She took the papers quickly, and the virus then made her way down to the garage. She smiled as she entered her car. It was a large, clack vehicle in the shape of a modern day hummer. It was far from a new car, But it had served her for four years, and it would continue to for many years to come.

The disease quickly make her way out of the brain before heading down the jugular vein to the lower chest cavity. She then pulled onto a side capillary and eventually parked in front of the lymph node. She looked rather nervous as she shut her door and then proceeded to stroll tensely into the building.

****

A/n: not terrible I hope? It's my first osmosis fic, and this is only the first part. Part two is completer and has to be typed. Part 3 is still in the script process. This fic never had a title till I decided to post it - but I think the title will fit. Please leave a review if you have the time. Thank you.


	2. The Retrieval

And They Wonder Why I'm Crazy  
  
Part 2: The Retrieval  
  
(Additional dedication!!: TO Fire Virus, Who's late night im about thrax reminded me I had to continue this!!!)  
  
Walking openly into a lymph node is not a priority for any virus, and Schitza Phrenia was no different. She was surprised and rather disturbed by all the hustle and bustle. Many assorted germs and bacteria, as well as some viruses were being hauled away, never see the light from Frank's eyes again, she walked to the high front desk to the side of the door. The sky blue, mustached face of the heavy-set officer looked down upon her, in the most literal sense of the phrase.  
  
"I'm here on an Item retrieval mission for the mayor." She said clearly as she gazed up.  
  
The officer looked at her briefly and then nodded, holding his hand out for the form. Schitza complied, passing the sheet of paper up to him. He gave them a once over, and then stepped down.  
  
"I gotta let the chief check these out first, lady. Wait here" Was the gruff reply. Schitza rolled her eyes in annoyance, but she let him go. Then she cast a nervous glance around the station. The disorders gaze hopped from officer to officer, sizing them all up. She then backed up to go sit down when she bumped into someone. The disorder whirled around to offer an apology.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry!!" was recited by both parties, and then they looked upon each other and were surprised (or terrified, in Schitza's case) by each others appearance.  
  
What she had bumped into was large, red, yellow, and rode on a could of eporvesent vapors. A cold pill. Specifically, A cold pill named Drix, who had been directly involved in the battle against Thrax. This, along with other things, added to her anxiety. However, the pill turned out to be extremely polite.  
  
"Oh! I'm, dreadfully sorry bout that! Here, let me help you." He replied, rather worriedly, frowning at the now floored Schitza. He quickly helped her to her feet, just in time to see the officer returning with her forms in hand.  
  
"Ok, yer cleared. Come on!" said the cell, and he them made her a signal follow him, which she did.  
  
They walked down a Hall. It was blue gray, like a brain/immunity cell hybrid. Schitza shuddered - Now that was a scary thought. They entered another room.  
  
"Your escort into the storage area will be here shortly. Don't move." He added as he abandoned her there. Schitza, not wanting to be discovered, froze. A few more minutes passed. Then another door opened, revealing another immunity officer. This one, however, was dressed in plainclothes - black pants, a white tee shirt, and a brown and black Jacket. He had a pair of shades perched atop his otherwise barren head. He shuffled over to her, twirling the keys around one finger  
  
"My, my, - what have we got here!" said the cell, in a 'street' accent. Schitza also noted he was giving her a once over. She rolled her eyes again, with obvious impatience.  
  
"Can it. I'm not in the mood. Just please retrieve the item so I can get back to my job" she snorted. Osmosis Jones frowned and sighed.  
  
"Hey… wait a sec – why isn't Leah doing this?" the cell suddenly queried.  
  
"hmm? Oh…Colonic said she was sick or something. Why would you care?" Schitza muttered in a dismissive tone, annoyed at the line of questioning.  
  
" I care, because she's my fiancé I think I have a right ta know how she's feelin'!!!" Jones rather rudely replied. He then grabbed the door impulsively and threw it open, nearly smacking Schitza Upside the head/. She dodged, and grudgingly followed, wondering just what had set Jones off.  
  
Slowly, but surely, the dup made their way down the many rows of lockers. When they reached their destination, Schitza was just about ready to strangle Jones with a burning desire beyond and fever La Murte Roja could have ever produced. You see, Osmosis had a habit of spiffily singing lyrics from songs. Bad songs. Songs that Schitza despised. She would of preferred a light jazzy tune hummed out leisurely while taking a stroll at midnight, or setting of general chaos. However, the disorder had to show restraint towards the so called "germinator". Thus she silently walked and stewed in her nucleus with a compulsion to kill.  
  
"Here we go…#20818123… Think fast!!!" The white blood cell called, lobbing the small sealed box in Schitza's general direction. She blinked, realized what was going on, and then dashed to catch the quickly descending package. After 30 seconds of fumbling, she finally got a hold of it.  
  
" The Frank do you think you are doing!?!? You could of caused me membranous harm!!" she growled out in utter annoyance at the now chuckling cell. Ozzy eventually smirked, only to be countered with a very chilling look from Schitza. He frowned and returned it easily.  
  
"Some people can't take a joke" he muttered.  
  
It was at this point when Schitza noted the box was making a soft, melodic jungle. It was actually quite pleasant. Perhaps the mayor had finally picked something with style.  
  
She was quietly escorted from the evidence locker area and Jones left, much to Schitza's relief. As she was leaving however, she made accidental eye contact with the cold pill again. He sheepishly waved at her, and Schitza had no clue what to make of it. The disorder quickly waved back, and then ducked out of the office. Sighing with relief, she got into her car, and set the box gently onto the passenger seat, and drove off towards the brain. 


End file.
